In the middle of planning an elopement with immediate family only – I found myself a little overwhelmed with all of the opinions being thrown in. Before getting engaged we always talked about an intimate elopement with only our immediate family around. As a retired people pleaser I found myself feeling a little irritated. At the end of the day, if there is any day that should be completely about myself and my partner it should be our wedding day. I started to contemplate on a just us elopement somewhere in Norway, Iceland, or Italy. Choosing to elope isn’t always easy, but for some couples, it’s the obvious choice. For us, we know we really love to have our closest loved ones around, but this requires setting clear boundaries.

The Emotional Weight of the Decision

First off you do not have to explain yourselves to anyone, but my best recommendation for breaking the news is to just rip the bandage off. “We’re planning on eloping next year at Yosemite! We’re really excited, and plan on having our immediate family there to celebrate. “Some people may not be too happy to know they are not invited but that’s okay. It’s 1000% okay to be selfish on your wedding day.

I won’t lie to you – I felt the guilt, but I refuse to neglect our wishes for our wedding day to please someone else. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your dreams either. The easiest way to navigate the feelings is to talk about things with your partner. At the end of the day your dreams for your wedding day is what matters most.

Signs That Eloping Might Be Right for You

1. You value intimacy over spectacle. My fiancé and I are not the type to be the center of attention so we knew we wouldn’t want a large wedding. We also aren’t religious and don’t have a want to get married in a church either. We knew a national park would be exactly the best fit for us.
2. You want your wedding day to feel like an adventure rather than a production. Our day will be long, but definitely an adventure. Sunrise vows at Glacier Point followed by a brunch and exploring of the park with family sounded like the perfect start to our day. Everyone’s day can look different and the less people you have on your wedding the the more flexible it can get.
3. You want to avoid the stress and high costs of a traditional wedding. Average wedding costs in 2024 was $33,000 according to Zola. If you decide to elope you should keep your budget anywhere from $5k-$15k and this will allow for a more personalize and luxury experience for you and your partner.
4. You care more about the experience than the guest list. As I mentioned the cost is one thing to consider, but when it comes to guest list – it boils down to who can you not imagine your day without.

Why Some Couples Struggle With the Decision

Some couples fear disappointing family or friends. Make sure that you are surrounded by supportive and all around a good people who you vibe with. Others feel FOMO—feeling like they’re missing out on the traditional wedding experience. If you long for the trad wedding experience I will not stop you. Take a step back and clarify what you want from the traditional wedding experience. Think about how you can include traditions on your elopement day and if that would make you happy. If you’re still concerned you will still long for the trad wedding then go with your gut. People also often feel pressure to meet expectations vs. staying true to what feels right. I said before and I’ll say it again. The only people whose opinions matter are the couple getting married!!!

How to Make the Decision Easier

Have open and honest conversations with your partner about what truly matters. What are your values and priorities? You have one life to live and you deserve to be surrounded with love and support on your wedding day. What does that look like for you? What does it feel like? Set boundaries with family early on to avoid unnecessary stress. Setting boundaries with family and you get push back? Stand firm in your decisions as a couple. Remember that this is your day, not anyone else’s. Do whatever the hell makes you happy.

How I’m doing it

Ultimately, we decided that an intimate elopement was best for us because our location allows for it and we would love to have our family with us. We felt most confident in our decision because we have a lot of love and support. For couples still struggling to decide, I encourage you to take some time to go out on a date with your partner and talk about your vision for your day. Set time for a cocktail, mocktail, or coffee on Sunday morning with a record playing. Get excited about the way you choose to celebrate.

Let’s Connect

If you’re still struggling with the decision to elope reach out! I would love to chat with you and help give you some peace of mind. Not sure when to book your elopement? Check out my blog on why booking your elopement early is a game changer!